Shanghai Vixen

"So one day, I walk in on him masturbating."

So, one night I watch a foreign - American - film that shames masturbation.

But: only male masturbation.

Seriously, are American women like this? Do they mind if their male partners wank? Really? To me, a man who wanks is sexually interested and inspired. While I may hope to be on the receiving end much of the time, I should hope he has a lively imagination, and I should hope that he is not using my body to vent that imagination, I should hope that he has and takes the sexual space to go at his own pace. And I should hope he respects the same for me.

I love to masturbate. I will go weeks without it, but there are days when I have a good four goes. There is nothing like a good 3pm wank followed by a half hour power nap to stimulate (sorry) the creative juices. Nothing nicer to wake up to, and nothing better to fall asleep to.

I waxy religious about two things: One is exercise. Two is masturbation. Okay, okay, music and languages too...three and four. But, less preachy there. I think people should wank without apologies. 1. It is fun. 2. It is safe sex. 3. It lets one explore a richness of sexual and social fantasy that one never would in real life. Real life sex is beauty, messy, juicy, often awkward, never perfect but sometimes so better than perfect. As Ah Ren put it, it is "something humans do". That line may be the most I remember him for.

Few women masturbate. Or at least admit it. We are so discouraged, and lack the subvert encouragement men receive. When did you last see a crack about women's under-mattress porn stash?

Let us call masturbation personalized sexuality. I cherish my with-partner sexuality, it encapsulates the core of my emotional life, and many a great orgasm. There are many things I can only do with a partner in pleasantness. But there are also many things I can only do alone. Continuing the above, 4. Pace. The logistics of partner sex requires a great deal of timing. When wanking, you come when and at the rhythm you desire.

Women should wank more. I would be the last person to say I own my sexuality. Too much childhood fundi christian baggage for that! But wanking is wonderful. It saddens me how few of my gal pals know how to masturbate, that it takes the misinformation/advertorial a la sex and the city for most of us to brave and buy little friends

I discovered my personal sexuality not so much from the BMW-driving hunky half-Arab as from the blocked out channels on my grandparents' cable in highschool, combined with the lovely contours of couch and crotch. I have been a happier woman since. I love toys, but I just need my underwear.