Post jumbles
We went out the following Friday night, to an opening and then to dinner, and Ah Ren wielded me as a shield against a mutual acquaintence who has always liked him and is very, very aggressive with men she likes. She sulked accross the table; we had a nice yammer. The next night we met up at another opening, Kazza and his sidekick along, and then parted as he wanted a power nap; we met up later at Shelter.
I knew Little Building would be there, and sure enough he was, albeit very busy. It was a quick and nice hello, but he doesn’t seem scared of me from the last time. All good.
I hung out with Ah Ren and sidekick for part of the night, circling the block as the lads needed feeding, then returning. Another friend of mine showed up and as I was talking with her, he wandered off. He looked rather lost in the crowd, suddenly seeming rather old and professorial; since I dragged him there I felt rather badly. So I ducked through the seething Eurotrash after him, eventually catching up. “Do you want to join me dancing with C?” “No. I don’t dance.” I see that… “Do you want to go to the conversational audio area in the back?” “No. I just want to walk around.” “But you look like a big dork,” I thought, didn’t say. Instead, “Okay, have fun.”
I went back to C. “I was just totally blown off.” It was rather brutally obvious that he had had enough Vixen for one night. Perhaps telling him I have a crush on Little Building was ill-advised, but hey, it came up randomly - it wasn’t like I was being random manipulative psycho bitch about it. I don’t come with that function. Just with the too-honest, babble when awkward/nervous setting.
I left shortly thereafter. I sent him a text that I was tired, and neither of my crushes were being entertaining. He did not respond. I have not sent the email in the previous post; I debate whether I will. Instead, I sent him a light note to the extent of: Sorry if I was clingy, didn’t register at first that you wanted solitude. Yes, I’ve always had a crush on you, I know it’s very oppressive but am sure you’ll soldier through. Ah Ren replied similarly jokingly. Yes, it’s painful! I’m flattered, and good getting to know you better. Then he suggested that we say our farewells for this visit at a mutual friend’s upcoming birthday party - which I was not technically invited to, although neither he nor our friend registered that. I compromised by showing up very late - busy work day - and leaving early. But, there was no awkward. He informed he’ll be back in town pretty soon.
I still don’t know what to make of it. I’m usually pretty oblivious, but there definitely is something going on there, and more than just mutual light affection. He’s very Mr. Darcy, hot-cold confusing. *Shrug* I try, and then I shrug. I just don’t understand these “Western” men. They’re so strange.
Anyhow, I look forward to having him back soon. Despite the headache-inducement, he’s a good reminder that there are good men out there - and someday I will find one who IS into me.
I had two dreams about him last night, both weird. In the first, we were married with kids and contemplating buying a house in I think Australia (where the fuck did that come from?). Yet another mutual “friend” visits us to check out the house, and while there “accidentally” almost kills me.
In the second, I was in Los Angeles, and with past/present/future LA-based guy friends Dodo, King Yellow and Cali Boy (old crush turned casual buddy who I still quite like). We were all staying together, and Ah Ren also came to visit, but also in town and around was a woman called Nita who is a dream fictionalization but was a composite of several rather bitchy, backstabbing, dumb and opportunistic Huaqiao women I know China. Somehow my Lala Lads all knew and loathed her too, and had had their own bad experiences with her. I was trying the usual to figure out WTF was up with Ah Ren and his semi-flirting, and found in the living room a subtexted note that had fallen out of his things during arrival. I had a bad suspicion about it, and sure enough Nita showed up, cattily claimed the note, the Christmas present from him it had fallen out of, and the boy himself.
In the dream, Ah Ren lingered to half-apologize. I was all, “Really?! Rejection I can take, but that you would pick her over me?! You have horrible taste in women. Who even are you?” He looked sheepish, lamely apologized that for now he’s seeing her, but maybe…, and then shuffled out.
I walked back down the hallway, arm in comforting arm with Dodo and King. Even my subconscious remembers who always has my back. ”Oops, wrong species of men, that,” one of us remarked, all still stunned.
I think these have more to my subconscious’ reactions to certain recent social situations with “friends”/frenemies - many of whom I share with Ah Ren - than to him. Nonetheless, they put me in an odd mood today.
I should work more on that delicious yoga teacher who’s been flirting with me. Yeah. The thing is, ultimately I like ‘em kinda complicated. Not JUST pretty.
