Shanghai Vixen

These days the media is full of reports about how China’s urban “elite” women - those with high educations, positions, and salaries - can’t find men. This is because men want younger, shorter and less accomplished women, while women want men who are older, taller and more accomplished.

It doesn’t surprise me that the Chinese press never speaks to the elephant of the blatant sexism of these attitudes, but it does piss me off. It also pisses me off how these articles treat this as normal and understandable. Because all women view themselves as slabs of meat up for auction to the highest bidder.

Whatever happened to equality, partnership, companionship and compatibility? To wanting a fuckable friend, not a meal ticket? I don’t think that all, or even most, young Shanghainese buy into this, at least not consciously. But they - and anyone attempting to date and mate in this “market” - are subject to these social pressures and expectations. It’s like all the creepy old men who hit on me and then are surprised when I shoot them down: “I drive a Buick! I’m eligible!” Bloody hell. And then all the guys in my age and attractiveness range are afraid to date me because I make more money than they do.

Accepted wisdom keeps ‘elite ladies’ single
(Shanghai Daily)
Updated: 2006-02-23 16:21

Traditional thinking is making it difficult for well-educated women with a high income to find a husband, a survey conducted by the Shanghai Women’s Federation suggests.

Tall women are also having trouble finding a husband, the survey indicated.

Traditionally, Chinese men have insisted on marrying a woman with a lower education, and smaller income than themselves. They also prefer women who are younger and shorter than they are.

According to Shanghai Jinguoyuan Matchmaking Agency, one of the largest agencies of its kind in the city, about seven women sign up for help finding a husband for every three men who seek the agency’s help.

The federation surveyed 996 people with university education between the ages of 27 and 37, to find out why educated, wealthy women can’t find a mate. About 21 percent of the respondents are single, 78 percent are married and the others are divorced or widowed.

The survey indicated that married people are more satisfied with just about every aspect of life than singles with a similar education and income.

“This indicates not many young people will accept staying single,” said Lu Jianmin, who was in charge of the survey. “The real reason for the current situation for these excellent women is the traditional thinking that a man must excel a woman.”

The survey suggests that 85 percent of men and 75 percent of women think a husband should be at least three years older than his wife. Only 7.6 percent of male respondents said they would consider marrying a women with a postgraduate degree, while 40 percent of women said they hope to marry a man with a Master’s or Doctorate.

None of the female respondents are willing to marry a man who makes less than 3,000 yuan (US$370) a month.

Vixen is back in sunny California. The clean air is painful on my Shanghai lung (*hack, hack*), but hopefully will prove purging.

I touched down yesterday morning at SFO, was picked up by friend at Stanford, went for a breakfast during which I babbled incoherently, and then slept all day.

Arrival always gives me vertigo. Fatigue, dehydration, physical discomfort and jet lag combine with a profound culture shock. As anyone who straddles cultures knows, there is always something very scary about returning to what you came from. It’s dizzying, a very real, very physical sensation of vertigo.

Currently am visiting Franzi, a perpetual grad student, a friend from high school who is the endearingly dweeby little brother I never had. Tomorrow I’m on south to LA to visit Peaceful Dragon. Will be meeting the Cali boy random web crush on Friday. Embarassment and trepidation are smoothing into curiousity and anticipation. It’ll go how it goes, and no point in worrying.

Speculation continues on what my mom’s big shocker is. I’m almost dying to find out. What could possibily “ruin my life” like she thinks it will?! Interesting as a hypothetical question, as well as what her big reveal will turn out to be.

The discussion of sexual education and of young, sexually active Chinese’s misperceptions toward birth control and STD is one subject that does not get as much attention as it deserves.

Having dated several Chinese guys from the 1970s generation, I am repeatedly appalled at their ignorance. “Oh, I can’t have an STD, I don’t use drugs.” They think that the rhythm method and early withdrawl work, and if not, “You can always get an abortion.” Gee, thanks guys. Getting Chinese guys to use condoms is not easy, and once they consent, they still complain about it a lot. (I have been accused of being “paranoid”. Geez.)

Safe sex next front in nation’s AIDS battle
(AP)
Updated: 2006-02-22 20:47

When Dawei first started having sex, he had no idea that using a condom could help protect him from AIDS. Now he never leaves home without putting a few in his bag.

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Sad but unsurprising article about an old, infirm man who begged for a seat on the bus, but couldn’t get one.  Pretty typical: it is rare to see someone give up a seat for the elderly, the injured, the pregnant.

There is so much propoganda in China about being “wenming”, or “civilized”, and it falls on fairly deaf ears. Some Chinese say that this is a byproduct of the Cultural Revolution, where niceties were eliminated and have yet to be relearned. Others say that Chinese culture does not put much value on courtesy, and it is a very dog-eat-dog environment.  The real question is, how can such a value be instilled? Cheesey PSAs from the “Civilization Department” certainly don’t work.

Cancer patient offered none but cold shoulders on bus
By Echo Shan (chinadaily.com.cn)
Updated: 2006-02-21 16:45

Zhu Xianglin, a 70-year-old cancer patient, still feels a chill over his experience during a bus ride to hospital for a regular check-up on February 20. Though pale and feeble, for over 20 minutes Zhu was offered no seat even after pleading several times, with cancer diagnosis in hand.

Zhu Xianglin, a 70-year-old cancer patient reacts at his miserable experience during his bus trip to hospital Monday. [East Morning Post]

It was bleak outside on Shanghai’s streets that day when Zhu boarded the bus. To his surprise, in such a developed and financial hub as Shanghai, it would get even colder for him.

Squeezed onto the ever-crowded route 820, Zhu, notably fragile and out of breath, rested himself on the doorsteps by the bus entrance as every seat was taken and nobody gave an offer.

“The word ‘coldness’ comes to my mind when recalling those marble-like faces on the bus,” said Zhu, with a deep sigh.

With 1/3 of his upper right lung cut away some eight months ago, Zhu narrowly survived the lung cancer that left him with bad health and a smaller purse.

Upon appealing four times of the conductor Hu Xiaodong for a seat, Zhu still got nothing but indifferent faces and distant eyes.

Even after showing his diagnosis paper, which had registered in black and white the lung-cutting operation that resulted in 38 stitches on his chest, the heartbroken Zhu, bearing both physical suffering and mental anguish, still got cold shoulders of indifference on the bus, from his compatriots in the city.

Hua Fengdi, Zhu’s wife sick with severe rheumatism, sobbed as she later learned what had happened to her poor hubby on the bus. Her repeated prayers for a seat for Zhou before he embarked on his bus trip were all in vain, it seemed.

However, the world does have its fair cheer of good people, for after nearly 20 minutes and over a two-kilometer ride, a passenger in his 50s, also on his feet, roared to a cozily seated and healthy middle school boy, ordering him to give the seat to Zhu. The frightened the boy then rose to his feet silently.

Finally, Zhu was seated. Three minutes later, after getting his breath back, a low-voiced “thanks” was squeezed through Zhu’s mouth.

From a bus seat scenario, a picture of current China’s morality situation emerges, while in a dim and unpolished fashion.

A recent public survey conducted in Guangdong Province on social evils rank “people’s morality construction” atop the list.

In a ethic-bound nation of China, the statue of Leifeng, a late warn-hearted young PLA soldier always ready to help, was long erected in the 1990s to boost social conscience.

While it seems people are forgettable, all are left behind in today’s money-driven society as the catchword “to get rich is glorious” is repeatedly chanted.

Who come to care about an old cancer patient and bother to offer him a seat on bus?

Back in 2004, a Shenzhen bus company campaigned on a “seat-offering to the needy” activity, while “powered” by benefit impulse.

Those who give a seat offer would get in returen a “Loving Heart Card,” which equals a one-yuan bus ticket.

The controversy over the spoof of Chen Kaige’s latest film, “The Promise”, continues.  Geez, the man seriously needs to chill.

Chen not amused by steamed bun spoof
(China Daily)
Updated: 2006-02-20 06:41

Arguably the best-known film director in China spent 340 million yuan (US$42 million) on his new release only to help a young, self-made multimedia editor recycle it into his own comic show, which became an instant success.

Hu Ge, a 31-year-old who holds no regular job in Shanghai, was sued was sued for alleged defamation by China’s top director Chen Kaige. [file photo]

In his awkwardly-titled “The Blood Case That Started from a Steamed Bun,” Hu Ge, a 31-year-old who holds no regular job in Shanghai, makes fun of The Promise, a fantasy epic directed by Chen Kaige for its “boredom and unoriginality.”

The 20-minute film was released on his blog, according to Hu, “just for fun,” and it became a free-download hit, while The Promise made close to 200 million yuan (US$25 million) at the box office both in China and abroad after its general release.

Chen flew into a rage at news of Hu’s film, accusing it of being “unimaginably shameless,” and vowed to sue him for defamation.

But his threats have generated something like an Internet-wide rebellion with some netizens going as far as to describe Chen as a “tyrant” and rallying around Hu for his right to speak out.

Before he knew it, Hu became China’s first cyber-hero. “Actually,” Hu told China Daily, “all I want from life is to have fun and I never planned to become famous this way.”

The self-employed night owl, who seldom gets out of bed by the time most people are having lunch, is not prepared to defend himself legally against a heavy-duty challenger like Chen.

“My mind just went blank,” Hu said, describing his feelings when he first heard of Chen’s threat to file a lawsuit.

He said he is ready to apologize to Chen if he so demanded, but does not regret the message in his film at least for the time being.

But what if the lawsuit ended up with Hu ordered to pay a substantial amount in damages?

That’s very likely, Sun Wei, a lawyer at Shanghai Junyue Law Firm, told China Business News, a national business newspaper.

Hu could have breached China’s Copyright Law on as many as three counts and the plaintiff could press for a compensation of as much as 500,000 yuan (US$62,000), he explained if Chen sued for copyright violation instead of defamation.

But Zhou Lin, a professor at the Institute of Law of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, disagreed. The Copyright Law allows part of someone’s work to be used for fair comment or for private use, he told China Daily.

“But, of course, there is a limit on how much you can quote, which is still up to the court to decide,” he said.

He added that in legal practice, there is an exemption for “parody” defined as one using another’s work so as to entertain a different audience or to give the similar audience a different feeling of the latter’s work, usually by being funny.

“It is another kind of fair use,” he said.

According to Shen Zheng, professor at the Chinese University of Politics and Law in Beijing, the key is to determine whether Hu’s film was produced for commercial use.

Win or lose the case, Hu seems to have won great support among netizens; and some have even called for raising a Hu Ge Fund to cover his legal expenses.

For his part, Hu the inadvertent cyber-hero, is already finding his life in the real world troublesome and is beginning to miss his happy bachelor’s life. “I have been so busy and under so much pressure for the last few weeks.”

Chen Kaige

He told China Daily that in the days before his newfound fame, he was a diehard fan of Michael Jackson and a drummer in a college rock band.

For the last few years, he has been living a simple life, making ends meet by engineering audio effects for advertising and animations, and selling audio equipment online.

On weekends, he usually enjoys roller-skating with friends on the newly-paved roads in Shanghai’s Pudong, the ultra-modern business area.

The turning point in his life came on Christmas Eve of 2005, when he paid 80 yuan (US$10) for a ticket to see “The Promise,” only to feel that, as a viewer, he had been shortchanged and decided to recycle its footage to amuse himself and his friends.

The film which mainly pokes fun at the over-the-top scenes of “The Promise” was completed in 10 days during his spare time. Netizens found it packed with humour and swarmed to watch it online; and many spent hours downloading the 51-million-byte piece.

Chen, however, did not see the funny side of Hu’s film. He told foreign journalists in December that his work had important messages regarding “love, freedom, and destiny.”

“I know that people are working very hard and feel tired on many levels,” he said. “I hope that they can go to the cinema and sit there and forget everything for two hours, just enjoy (my movie) and feel like they had a spiritual shower.”

One of the nice things about going back to San Diego is that it really puts my life in perspective. I am a fairly nifty person regardless, but the fact that I survived an astoundingly fucked up family makes me remarkable.

As soon as my psycho mom learns that I’ll be back in town, she begins the usual orgy of head fuckage. The latest two emails from her are below:

2/17/06

I will try to find out who is good in
that area of problem, and can give
names to you–if you want. (your
therapy will have nothing to do
with mine).

She sent that one to me twice. Today:

Hi Lisa,

I had a crush. It was a nice little crush. But it has gone *squish*, and so have I.

It was a silly little crush. Completely the Pathetic that I mentioned in the last post. I don’t know what was more embarassing: that I was crushing on a guy I’d “met” online, that I was crushing on a guy I haven’t met in person yet, or I was crushing on a (gasp!) American guy. From California, no less.

“Met” him on this silly web dating site, where I had gone to ogle the cute boys and laugh at the rest, but this Cali Boy actually seemed really interesting and cool. We had some good email exchanges, he seemed very enthusiastic, and my curiousity kicked in despite myself. He struck me as a rare mixture of creative but grounded and well-rounded, of geeky but hip. My sort of person. Not that cute, but passable. I began to crush.

Then he vanished. Okay, interest must not be mutual. Theoretically oh well, but I am not as good at squishing my crushes as they are at squishing me. Meanwhile, I’ve long been contemplating a trip back to California to see family and friends, before the spring madness begins. Almost decided not to go due to the embarassing crush, but decided that would be stupid. A few days ago, he resurfaced, adding me on Friendster (ah, strange phenomena of this modern age!) and then sending a cursory but apologetic email the following day, saying he’s been insanely busy. Indonesian Dainty, my official confidante on this and so many matters, and who had dubbed both Cali Boy and initial email exchanges promising,  deemed it a lame response. She’s right.

It gets lamer. I wrote back that I’d probably be in town soon, and today he answered. “So, you’re going to be in LA, huh?  Well we should definitely get a coffee or something.” Ooh, restrain the excitement there, dude. Okay, granted, he already said he was swamped, and signed the message “Wearily yours”, but it’s pretty obvious that he’s not remotely into me.

*Squish.*

In a way, I suppose it’s better this way. At least it preempts the otherwise likely scenario of Vixen Makes Fool of Herself. And, well, early squishage is smaller squishage.  And, I had it coming, for allowing myself the pathetic silliness of crushing upon a hypothetical. (Although crushes are by nature hypothetical, a thrilling illusion of a person created by the imagination. But I digress.) It’s a double-edged sword: hope is good, even necessary for keeping us going sometimes, but it sets us up for disappointment, even when we know it is inevitable.

So, I wax philosophical. A little disappointed and hurt, and…squished…but I brought it upon myself.  Heh, and knowning my luck, Cali Boy will turn out a total loser, and I’ll happenstance to meet a wonderful someone else during the trip. Or not. Oh well. At least I’ll be back in the warmth and sunshine. The beauty about being back in California is that dealing again with my fucked up mom puts all my whiney little woes back into perspective.

Since people have been asking me “what happened” with PMAL (“Poor Man’s Andy Lau,” the hot gym trainer) and whether he’s my new crush… No to the latter.

To the former, well, we’re now chatting and conversationally flirting, rather than casting lusty glances across the gym. Progress was made when I got back from Indonesia, and I followed up the usual eye contact coy smile with a “Xinnian hao,” and - after blanching for a moment, completely startled - he responded in kind. Later, he came over and struck up a conversation.

We’ve chatted periodically since, although now that the ice has been broken I have to be careful not to ogle too obviously. It’s cute, whenever I say ”hi” he looks so utterly thrilled. It is very good for my wary ego to have a very attractive guy into me.

At the same time, though, I really don’t want to take it beyond this point. Sure, he’s cute and nice, and seems fairly intelligent, but that’s really not enough to make it worth the trouble of giving him a try. He’s not serious relationship material, I know just based on occupation and economic class. He could qualify as a candidate for a ”fun fuck”, but I don’t think I’m that desperate yet. Pathetic? Definitely. But desperate? No. I’d rather pathetically continue this damn dry spell indefinitely than succomb to desperation.

Wow, Chen Kaige has gotten a damn big head. First he hyper-controlled pre-launch coverage of his latest, “The Promise”; now he’s gotten his panties in a bunch over it being spoofed online.  Talk about sensitive: mockery is the price of being in the public eye, and imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

Chen Kaige calls parody of new movie immoral
Updated: 2006-02-13 13:47

Famed Chinese director Chen Kaige has denounced an online parody of his latest  Wuxia epic “The Promise” as immoral and instructed his lawyer to look into the matter.  [more]

Meanwhile, Zhang Yimou is planning “The City of Golden Armor”, yet another shlocky Wuxia film. As if the last two weren’t bad enough. Even Feng Xiaogang, China’s only good commercial director, is planning to hop on the Wuxia wagon, because he wants to break into the American market, which has been less than receptive to his daily life Chinese comedies. Because Americans only want to see Chinese when they’re doing kungfu in the ancient past. Modern China does not fit their preconceptions.

Pwah. Silliness. For once, I want to see one that hates children, only likes iguanas.

I mean, come on, does anyone really buy that the Miss Universe China really give a damn about endangered tiger cubs? I would have more respect for these things if they just admitted that they were an excuse to display skinny young Buttless Wonders in bikinis. But that will never happen, because “celebrations of beauty and civic commitment” is all fluffy bunnies and softcore porn is bad. Personally, I’ll take the porn over the corn any day.

Miss Universe China candidates love animals, children
(Xinhua)
Updated: 2006-02-13 16:27

About 50 candidates for the 2006 Miss Universe China final expressed love for animals and children Sunday by adopting tiger cubs and visiting orphans in Northeast China’s Heilongjiang Province.

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